When the Twin Flame Chaser becomes the Runner

Running

So I realize that I have been really terrible lately at answering my email, twitter feed, comments on the blog… etc. I just wanted to say that I am really sorry about that, and I know that I have not been as helpful as I perhaps would like to be at this phase of my life. I also realize, after giving an Akashic reading for the first time in months, that I may have also been off my game in my readings, as this really wonderful soul came to me for one, and I may (or may not) have given her an off reading (she just never responded back to me, and I kind of feel her disappointment). I am truly sorry, and I feel really bad for this.

Thing is, sometime in November, I just decided to give up. I just felt that this journey became incredibly difficult and I didn’t feel that it was serving me anymore. It was eating me up inside, and I started to doubt every single experience that I had that pertained to my Twin Flame Journey in the past two years. I have been through a few rather interesting spiritual incidents since 2013-2014, and I decided to ignore all of that completely and just live with the fact that I may have imagined all of it. It was a very difficult pill to chew at first, but it got easier with time. Coming to terms with the fact that perhaps this was not a twin flame meeting but just me going crazy was difficult, and it is very scary and embarrassing to admit that I may be slightly psychotic, narcissistic and schizophrenic to believe that I have been visited by spirit guides and that the woman I love is indeed my twin flame. Ever since November, I buried myself with work so I wouldn’t have to think about it. I started to run away from my fears and completely blocked any thought I would have of the woman I loved. She was happy in her new relationship, so who was I to butt in and burden her with my twin flame energy, so it was time for me to move on – something that I have been trying to do, again and again and again, with moderate to little success, for a few years now. But this time, I just had to do what it takes to finally cut the chords … enough of this twin flame bullshit.

Oh, but twin flames cannot cut chords … “bullshit”, I told myself. Oh, but she is missing you and mirroring your actions / emotions / feelings / whatever … “bullshit”, I told myself. Oh, but she will find her awaken soon and find her way back to you … “bull-fucking-shit”, I told myself. I finally gave into my friends advice and tried very, very, very hard to block the thought of her at every opportunity. I am now very stressed out at work because I am juggling a few things just to escape thinking or feeling anything about it. I stopped meditating, chanting, or practicing anything spiritual because I did not want to give myself the space to unclutter my mind and give an opportunity for her to appear in my thoughts again, and I also didn’t want to believe in any of this again. I ran, and I ran hard and fast.

It also helped that nothing worthwhile has been written on the subject matter – or at least that’s what I felt. Don’t you feel that whenever you do a quick google search about “Twin Flames” or check out the YouTube vids that they are all somehow a recycling of older information? Is there nothing new about this coming out anymore? Its always the same old crap over and over (at this point I realize that I may be offending many wonderful beautiful souls with the best intentions … I do not mean to personally attack your efforts as much as I am trying to depict the state of helplessness I felt regarding the Twin Flame phenomenon, where nothing I read or heard resonated anymore).

So I decided to wash my hands clean off this and start over. I started dating again … had a connection with this beautiful soul from my past which got me excited a little bit again (and then I reminded myself what happened to me the last time I got excited, and forced myself out of it). This is where the readers started to pour in, the messages on twitter started to pile up, and the comments started to go more and more unanswered. It was difficult … it was difficult to communicate with people that felt the pain that I was trying to escape, reminding me of the love I had for someone who – as far as I know – hardly thinks about me at all. I tried to keep up with appearances and communicate with small talk without getting in too deep, but I couldn’t keep up. The more the messages and views on this blog started to grow, the more I felt suffocated. I wanted out, and fast!

It all came crashing down on me late last night, when I was told that my Twin Flame was at the same venue that I was in. My friends afterwards confirmed this, and revealed to me that they saw her. They also revealed to me that she was also in the same venue that I was in the night before, and was standing right next to me at one point in the night. I had no idea … I was in shock. I mean… I had felt my crown and third eye chakra flutter and became rather painful a few hours before that, and at one point at the night I had this pain in the left side of my chest that I hadn’t gotten in a few months (perhaps this was when she was next to me and I didn’t notice her). I was also shocked because I had caught myself people watching and looking out at the crowd a little bit more often than I usually do, and have thought to myself, on BOTH nights, “calm down, relax, she is most probably not here, so stop looking for her” … I also remember asking myself how come I don’t run into her in the events that I attend and was wondering what she was doing at that moment of time. Little that I know that at said moment of time she was inches away from me.

Ever since finding out, I have been in a lot of pain and confusion. Truth is, I don’t want to run into her … I am terrified of seeing her. I wish that none of this would happen, and that I could turn back time and not meet her the time I did, or not wait for her that day we met when she had forgotten her jacket. Had I known the difficult of the journey at that time, perhaps I would have saved myself the trouble and pain that accompanied it. I just wish to go on with my life without hearing anything about her life, without seeing her, without talking to her, or without hearing of her ever again. It would be much easier to convince myself that she was just a figment of my imagination, and erase this phase of my life and never be reminded of it again.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t go that way. She is real. She is beautiful. She is worth it.

It dawned on me right then and there that I have gone from a twin flame chaser, to one that stays still in the waiting room, to a twin flame runner. I am terrified. I tremble at the thought of seeing her. I am terrified. Somewhere in this journey, I went from embracing love to being covered in fear. I am afraid that I run into her and see that I really was not that special in her life, and that all of this was in fact just a figment of my imagination. It would be much easier for me to think it never happened than accept the idea that it was real and I was delusional. The new thing that I discovered is that I am also afraid that I actually am right … what if we are Twin Flames as I had previously stated? Then what? How do we go on with our lives? What do Twin Flames do when they both acknowledge that they are? Can we survive in this third dimensional reality? What are we supposed to do with that bit of information? So yaaay, we are Twin Flames … then what? Its obviously much more than – settle down, get married, get kids, grow old …. what is it then? There is nothing I want more than to grow old with her … but is that it? Here is the main fear: Do I have what it takes to sustain such a relationship / union … am I worthy of it? Can we function as a solid entity and face the obstacles life throws at me? Will she run away again? Do I have what it takes to keep her believing? Can I inspire her to be the best that I could be, as she had once inspired me? Can she love me the way I wish she would?

There it is… my fears… dear readers … I am a runner … That’s why I haven’t been answering. I read your comments, I feel them, resonate with them, send you a heart full of love … and then run away.

Will I continue to run? What else could I do?

This next part is for my twin flame:

Hi, I know you are reading this … I just know, like I knew a lot of other things. Don’t worry, no one knows who I am and no one knows this exists. But, you found me. I didn’t realize you were looking … and you found me. I am not sure you understand how big this is that you actually found me and recognized me. I have nothing else to say except, I miss you. You probably know that already. If we do meet and run into each other – as it seems we narrowly missed each other the past two days – and I turn out to be an asshole, I am sorry … I am just terrified. I will put on a brave face and pretend to be cold, because that is the only dam that is stopping me from giving you a huge hug and kiss you on your forehead. I promise to try and not be this afraid, I just don’t know how …

Hope this message puts a smile on your face, to know that you are missed and cherished, even when you are not around. Sending you love – always.

 

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26 thoughts on “When the Twin Flame Chaser becomes the Runner

  1. hey, I just want to let you know. That you are not alone in this, and you are not crazy. I think i was going schizophrenic/ bipolar too at the time of meeting this person, because I was the spiritual one who believed in it and was seeing things, but stopped after I painfully forced myself to believe it was just all in my head,:though I still feel it was something, much more “personal” at the time it was all happening. I never even heard the word “twin flame” before me and her, went through this painful moment, where everything around us aligned in bittersweet perfect harmony. I didn’t even get too close to her, in fear of getting close to something that may harm me, as she didn’t trust me and i didn’t want her to force herseIf to trust me so i ran. I followed the “buddhist” ideal of detachment (to release yourself from the stressors of life)-meditation and this belief, did not help at all, but ultimately I still wake up to the thought of “what could have been”, if I stayed. Surprisingly I choose the easier path by running from her. I never got attached to her because I never really knew her, but it still surprised me how hurt I was and still kinda am. I remember being a total screw up in college, and now I am going to my prestigious dream school, hoping to make a reputable income in the next 4 years. I stopped reading twin flame stuff a year ago, but now just come back to my old posts every now and then. A lot of this “false twin flame” and karmic soulmate nonsense, should never be taken word from word, in my opinion. It is like having a radical person read the bible and go to crazy extremes that could be dishing out harmful information even if it was unintentionally malicious. I like how your posts, are very realistic and do not at once idealize the “twin flame concept” but shows its hardships, rather than those “questionable sites” that idealize it as some disney fairy tale new age spiritual, bullshit, that they’ve never experienced before, but most likely read on it. I don’t think I would be where I am today it, if I didn’t have that rejection to motivate me, at a time where i hit rock fucking bottom. I feel it is ok, to take a break from all this twin flame stuff, that is what I did. I do believe in a God after this hectic experience, but I will try to just take life as it comes and goes, the good and the bad. I felt I was suppose to be a chaser, but how could I? She was already in a relationship, and all her friends were “against” me, and I wanted something that was simple and natural, true love ( not some mello-drama). Because I deserve fucking better, even if she was that real deal.I deserve to be treated like a human, and not some rabid animal. So i ran, and believe me it made me feel guilty as shit, but it helps at the thought that she and I weren’t so perfect by the way we mirrored each other. I left. The strange thing is when I think of her now, I don’t feel anything anymore regarding the divine, not even the thought that there is a line connecting our souls. I don’t even see myself anymore when I think of her eyes, compared to that mirror effect that was undeniable and strong, still wondering if it was just a infatuation. I’ll pray for you man, when I read your posts it is like reading my own thoughts. It is nice to know that someone else has been through that same struggle, that i had to keep in silence for years.

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    • Jedi- I feel for you. Reading your post, you seem to have a great deal of hatred and anger directed towards her. It’s confusing. You said you never really knew her or became attached to her. That seems strange that you would have this degree of animosity towards someone you never got close to. Whatever she was to you… false twin, catalyst, karmic soulmate etc. you have noted several points, the experience provided you with the motivation to further yourself and you now have a belief in a God. That sounds rather significant. What a travesty, if she was indeed your twin. Twins can feel one another’s energy; they may not consciously associate the feelings with their twin, however, it could impact them nonetheless. If you have any lingering doubt that she may actually be yours, feel any love in your heart for her, I caution you…tread carefully. Then again, you said you don’t even feel the line connecting your souls – nothing divine anymore, so possibly she will not be affected.

      Maybe you should privately give thanks for the experience and let it go. Move on, at the rate you are going she will just be a figment of your imagination by this time next year. Like you said – you wanted “true love”, you deserved better, no melodrama, even if she was the “real deal” – what twin would say something that harsh even in their lowest moment, regarding their true counterpart? It sounds like you have made up your mind – rake in the money, settle down with someone that is safe, and forget the fact that you may have trashed the most valuable gift God, the universe, whatever you want to call it, had thought you were worthy to receive. What’s the worst that could happen? Only you can answer that. A majority of people will never have the opportunity to meet their divine counterpart. If you did, count yourself fortunate; and simultaneously foolish for letting it slip through your fingers. I do and did.

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  2. Also, I believe the word “False Twin Flame” or “Catalyst” is an excuse for people to blame their own problems and misfortunes on the connection without coming to the critical conclusion, that they are half to blame for the separation, they are not realizing, that they are already whole themselves, So they look for their “true twin flame” repeating the karmic cycle of illusion, over and over again. Yes for two people to harmonize or get along, you need to overcome the fear of vulnerability, you need to communicate, but most importantly you have to come to the realization that nobody is perfect, something I still struggle with accepting.Being a twin flame does not entitle a person as “holy” or “special”. They are not the “holy matrimony of mythical legend” that others claim for it to be. When people brag about being with their twin in happiness, it is a loss of humbleness for the jaded majority that are still struggling to find out if it was all, real or not. This isn’t a special,,you only get one chance, please don’t try to screw this up connection, though it may strongly feel like that at first. We are not the chosen ones, as we come to the realization that nature is indifferent. The ocean is indifferent to the fact that a person may likely drown or be saved, since a wave holds the power to bring a ship wreck person to the security of the sandy shore, or release their souls, in their final hour of struggle. Eventually we come to the realization that fate is indifferent to our success, as well as failures, and we have to make the best of what we have. But I guess this is my opinion and critique on it. .

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    • Oh my goodness…so glad i read this..i am in the same situation though 1000 plus km apart..my twin flame i met on fb and have had a connection with him from the beginning…i have met him personally 2times and felt a vibration like no other…at the time he was involved with some one… He broke of fb connections while going through a very bad patch.. but he instigated connection again late last year and our friendship is blossomiwhether we will ever get together i don’t know ..i only want the best for him and to be happy….i am now having terrible doubts i am worthy of him…

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      • two weeks ago i started my own denyal i want to be the runner because im angry, no t angry at him ..angry at myself…years ago i moved on met someone have a family but he lives in me every day there’s no way out??? just lear to pretend?? send love from miles away? this sucks i’m a modern woman a professional i can’t be the pathetic girl who fell in love and never got over it…
        we where together for 3 years of great love and we have a son…he is married and so am i

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  3. Holy fucken crap (pls excuse my language) you LITERALLY JUST described how I’ve been feeling the past few months!!I wanna believe this tf stuff is just bullshit, but somethings telling me it’s not but I REALY really hope all I believed between me and him was all fake. But now that I’ve read this post I feel more confused than ever. Before I was never afraid to get close to him but now I feel faint and anger and fricking SICK when I see pictures of him. the thing is I’m glad I’m not the only one that goes through the phase where I believe everything spiritual is so crappy and fake. espescially the twin flame comcept. I don’t know what to believe if it was all real or just my mental illnesses. For a while i stopped looking through tf material and went to stop by just today and saw your post. Thanks for reminding me, I cannot be scared.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I always felt comforted that others understood what I was going through, so I was glad that I was able to provide that venue for you to feel connected 🙂 Its been a while since you’ve wrote this comment, so I hope you are less confused and things have started to brighten up for you 🙂

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  4. Jedi- I feel for you. Reading your post, you seem to have a great deal of hatred and anger directed towards her. It’s confusing. You said you never really knew her or became attached to her. That seems strange that you would have this degree of animosity towards someone you never got close to. Whatever she was to you… false twin, catalyst, karmic soulmate etc. you have noted several points, the experience provided you with the motivation to further yourself and you now have a belief in a God. That sounds rather significant. What a travesty, if she was indeed your twin. Twins can feel one another’s energy; they may not consciously associate the feelings with their twin, however, it could impact them nonetheless. If you have any lingering doubt that she may actually be yours, feel any love in your heart for her, I caution you…tread carefully. Then again, you said you don’t even feel the line connecting your souls – nothing divine anymore, so possibly she will not be affected.

    Maybe you should privately give thanks for the experience and let it go. Move on, at the rate you are going she will just be a figment of your imagination by this time next year. Like you said – you wanted “true love”, you deserved better, no melodrama, even if she was the “real deal” – what twin would say something that harsh even in their lowest moment, regarding their true counterpart? It sounds like you have made up your mind – rake in the money, settle down with someone that is safe, and forget the fact that you may have trashed the most valuable gift God, the universe, whatever you want to call it, had thought you were worthy to receive. What’s the worst that could happen? Only you can answer that. A majority of people will never have the opportunity to meet their divine counterpart. If you did, count yourself fortunate; and simultaneously foolish for letting it slip through your fingers. I do and did.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I know this is not the newest post from you but it’s exactly what I needed today and at this point in my life. I am moving away with a soulmate and not my twin flame. I finally decided that I was absolutely crazy and couldn’t waste my greatness waiting on someone who doesn’t even see me In that way. Even though I know she does. Tired of creating scenarios that don’t serve me. Your post hit me hard.l all the way down to the fact that she’s in a new relationship which she loves so much. Who am I to contend with that. I wonder what will happen. Maybe nothing but until then I’m focusing on me and being my best. In my heart I feel there will come a time when she circles back around and finds me but for now this is an honest chaser surrendering. I wouldn’t even call it surrendering cause I feel like it was just a figment of my imagination. If it’s meant to be it will be. Everything in your post was so true to me just now and I just thank you. Wow!!!

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  6. This made me tear up. Is this in my head? Am I crazy for having believed this connection was so speacial and deep?

    I’m going through the same thing. I struggle with wanting to forget about him and never ever hearing his name again, and just at the same time wanting to run into his arms and confess all my love for him.

    I live in Sweden, the tf concept is quite unknown here..I never knew what our bond was and why it was so strong, so unbelievable and out of this world. Until I came across an article on twin flames… and I just started crying because I didn’t feel as alone and crazy in feeling these feelings. At least we are not alone in our “craziness”, at least we have each other, even though we don’t have our lover in the psychical, we are a community of people who share this experience and it’s beautiful, even if it’s quite painful at times.

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  7. I am blown away to be feeling just about every emotion and fraction thereof you described the last few hours – at the end of my rope for the very same reasons as you, having become the runner. God is amazing how he directed me to this page to find a one year old connectivity to a soul that knew what my heart would go through tonight 💖

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  8. I like the analogy,,,, utter bullshit !!!! How can one person , one day wants to get married , have kids, just spent a year getting to know you on a euphoric level says not gonna bail , , , next day does ,,,insists on zero contact ,,,lets put it down as a good time ,,,then bolts!!! I just got blindsided,,, heart ripped in 2 ,,,,still love her unconditionally, even more now, and it’s been almost 3 years ,,,,she went from loving to I’m dirt of the earth,,,,,,to say she thinks of me like I do , to say she feels what I do ,,,,I agree fucking bullshit ,,,,I was just a notch,,,,, she , , , , the most amazing thing in my life ,,,,cut the cord ? Why the hell not ,,,she don’t give a fuck ,,,,you were right ,,,,if your like me ,,,im crazy, disiilusional , pining over a woman ,,,need to grow my balls back ,,,oh the universe will return her when you vibrate the same ,,,when we go thru lessons ,,, blah blah blah ,,I don’t need her, I wanted her,,, my heart did ,,, heart ,,,u have one job ,,,pump blood ,,,,thats it ,,,she fucked off and doesn’t love you ,,,get a grip with reality !!!! I look at it now ,,,,look at all the money I’m saving lmao ,,,,I don’t have to feed her , but her shit ! Or furniture,,,, go find someone else to Support ur gold digging ass,,,,,i have become the runner ,,,,but at the end of the day ,,,,I love you !! Unconditionally, may you find joy and happiness,,, I was just incredibly stupid , thinking true love exists ,,,it does in my end ,,,just not in urs !!! Love you

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  9. The thing about spirituality is that it is meant to be connecting you to your authentic self and personal truth-teaching you lessons specific to you, your wounds, your healing and the path you are meant to be taking in life. I don’t believe the “Twin Flame” journey is any different. People spout what twins are and are not, and what you should or should not do, but at the end of the day, if it is anything at all, it is mean to be getting you back to your authentic self and your own path. This means that if you choose to walk away from your twin, you can so that. Can you still love them for the rest of your life as a parent who chooses to walk away from their child will love them for the rest of theirs? Of course, but I have read things that say that the “chaser” shouldn’t be intimate with anyone else or have a relationship with anyone else because if “you don’t take the connection seriously, why would your twin?” I just think, yeah, maybe that works for you, but that is not true for me and my history and what I am meant to be learning. Maybe she has been in a ton of relationships where now that she has met her “twin”, she doesn’t feel a desire to be with anyone else. If that is her path or what her inner guidance is telling her for her own path, then I respect that. But my lessons are very different. I have basically no dating experience and no relationship experience as a 33 year old woman. I met my twin at 31. All I really have are a string of self-delusions which created situation after situation of getting a spark of interest from a guy and getting carried away about what it could be and ignoring the fact that true interest was never really reciprocated, I was being given half-truths and that these guys were either actually physically unavailable or emotionally so. I believe now that he is my twin, but the circumstances are no different than any other circumstance: he is with another, does not give me the whole truth, does not show real interest and never reciprocates concern. My lesson from having met him is to stand in my power and CHOOSE to create happiness not attached to him or anyone else; to learn to trust my inner voice and heal the parts of me that don’t feel worthy of reciprocal love and true interest and are scared of the hint of a connection I felt when we were in regular contact. Is it different? I believe so. Am I upset with him? Absolutely not. Inside, I believe he knows we are something special and I know he thinks of me and in his own way wants to feel connected to me. But, in reality, I deserve better. Until our reality can provide this for both of us, I won’t allow half-heartedness in my life. I am belittling our connection by accepting this and not holding him accountable to grow and make the effort, just as by accepting it, I am belittling myself and my worth by not holding myself accountable. Yes, I see his soul, but his free will actions are beneath both of us-just as my clinginess, obsessiveness and “chasing” was beneath me. I do deserve better. Not better than him, because he is my counterpart, but I deserve better treatment and it starts with what I will allow for myself. In my view, there is nothing wrong with saying this. In my view, this is what MY path on this journey is about-something I never got before and would have kept me from having the love and relationship I want.

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  10. Like a fool I am in love with Marina. Isn’t that one of the most beautiful names ever given. The woman is so amazing and beautiful. She makes me want to be better. I love her. I will not confess it to her. But she makes me weak. Weak in so many different ways. I don’t like it so I ran. I wish I could let her go and forget her but I can’t seem to keep my thoughts from drifting to her. When I go on autopilot the first thing that pops into my head is remembering looking into her blue eyes.

    I know how you feel. I have written what you wrote to your twin flame. I love her. The only thing left to do is find a way to turn this weakness into a strength.

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  11. Your blog literally made me cry on the inside. Nobody really understands how we die on the inside, as if we are going mental and need to be institutionalized because of this bullshit we feel. And now I am the runner. There is fear in me, fear of everything – from second guessing my intuitions – as if “perhaps I AM going mental” – to “why do I truly wish this connection to begin with? What do I want from it?”…to “when can I get off this crazy planet” thoughts start surfacing. I cannot bear this pain but am braving it….I am so tired. I want one night of good sleep.

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  12. Your not alone. I felt like I just read my own thoughts and feelings this past 6 weeks. We’re in a extremely similar phase of this journey. Your not alone. I understood every single word you wrote. Don’t give up. Many of us are hurting. They will come back. I know he will. Just like she will for you. X

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  13. Did your twin answer your post? It sure looked like it 😁
    I’ll tell you I’m in the same situation. Reality is very interesting at this point. Almost seems fake, chasers seem to be doing great for themselves in all areas. Ready for the connection in a physical sense, but the runners are still on the fence. I give up…

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  14. Thank you so much for this post. You are not alone. One day I accept it I feel spiritually lifted into light, forgiveness and compassion. Then the next week I am triggered with jealousy, righteousness, and fear. I know that our journey exists in other dimensions but I hate that here and now, I must do all the work for it. That it all starts with me, good luck to the both of you in union again.

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